"The Auctioneer"
(included in Ladies Valentines, 1817)
Going, Going,_ all in vain! O Jupiter this is a rate!
Dear Ladies! think again! your loss I must commiserate:
An honest Heart! I wou’dn’t huff, I assure you not a particle,
But sure you don’t reflect, on the value of the article.
It has sense, and worth, and truth; good humour, with sobriety,
And tenderness, and taste, with prudence and propriety.
What Ladies? silent all? not a word? Why fortune bless us!
The owner of this heart, is as rich as any Crœsus!
And he promises his wealth, at whatever rate you prize it.
Fifty, sixty, seventy, a hundred! Aye, now the price is growing,
Two, three hundred!_ thank ye Ladies going-going-going!
May I beg you Lady Jane, not to hold your Fan so high,
I lo[s]e, your nod; and worse, I lose the lustre of your Eye.
What a pity such uncouth machines, presume to hide the Faces,
Where laughing dimples ever play, where sport the Loves and Graces.
Fifty more thank you Lady Jane, to your good taste and sense,
The commendations I could give, were mere impertinence:
Lady Bustle view it well, ‘tis a Jewel of first water,
your Lady’ship is overstock’d; yet buy it for your Daughter.
A thousand._ for that a thousand thanks, pray Ladies, pray [advance],
Were it feathers, Lace, or Gewgaws, I’d say it came from France.
But that to worth intrinsic can no access impart.
‘Tis the growth of Britains climate, a truly gen’rous Heart!
Ah! sure I hear a better bid! Pray Madam did you say,
That a Heart of equal feelings should its utmost value pay.
A bid so unaffected at once the lot secures,
Going, Going, Going, gone. Fair Lady it is yours..